Transitional Woes or Relationship Woes?

So....as anthony has posted previously things have been pretty tough these last few weeks... but I do think we come at that from very different perspectives. I thought things would get much better since my move is finally over, and my house is rented, but not so much....

I see the move-in as a merging, lives, household items, etc. anthony seem to find my precense a burden much of the time, and I don't feel respected at all. My temp job ended on Friday, so I am yet again, unemployed, unexpectedly, as I thought the gig was going to last longer than it did, but oh well. That's done now I guess.

We have been trying to work through things, but I am not at all sure that we are suited to live/be together. Sigh. This is not what I expected at all. I love him very much, and the kids, and I am hoping that some of this will pass, but I feel very disrespected right now. No need to get into details, but it very much feels like it is anthony's life, anthony's house, and I am just a toad that stumbled into it. Hardly anything of mine is allowed in the house, and 95% of my stuff is in his attic or stored somewhere else. I understand that it is a small house, but anthony has been pretty rigid about his things staying right where they are. Ok, whatever.

I don't have much say in anything, I just feel very much in "no man's land." And now I am not working, so I can't contribute financially to the household, which really makes me feel like I have no say. I am subject to pop-ins from his parents, unexpected houseguests, and not involved in plans that he makes. This is really, really not what I expected at all. He seems angry that I moved in with him? He does not like that we don't have any time alone together, but then sabotages the time alone we could have together? I am confused and do not understand, at all.

And yeah, I am supposed to be dominant, right? Yeah, that's not really working out for us too good right now. We both know we need more time together, alone time, and then anthony goes and takes a few days off work, finally, and makes plans with his best friend. Um, huh? No discussion, no conversation, just, "this is what I am doing this week," Um, ok. So glad we are in this great partnership that I have wanted all my life.

I am not saying anything here that I have not said to him myself, so no big surprises for anthony.

I am very, very, angry, and have nowhere to go to be alone and deal with my anger anymore, which is messing me up as well. Last week was such a rotten week, job ended, tenant issues, cell phone problems, finishing the move, cleaning the house, just a general nightmare. I have to given anthony credit, he did help me with all of it, but it seems like such a struggle for him. I mean, I understand, I don't want to do this stuff either, but this is the stuff of life, the stuff that has to get done, right? And now he has taken time off work and made other plans.

I know that he does not get to see his friend too often, he lives about 2 hours away, but we just spent our "alone" weekend, with him two weeks ago? And no discussion with me, no conversation? We both have agreed that we need more time alone together, more time to be in our D/s roles, and I thought when he told me last night that he was taking time off for a "mini-vacation" he meant it to be with me. But nope, not so much. I am hurt, and angry, and now of course if I ask him not to keep his plans then I am the big bitch who never lets him see his friend....and I won't have his friend think that way of me, because it is just not true.

All that we have been through in the last few months/years, fighting to be able to live together, going to court with his oldest, job stress, money stress, etc. I am a little floored by his behavior really.

Oh well, that's about all I have to say about that. I would say that these are transitional issues, but they seem more like relationship issues to me. So there you go.

Sigh.

Later-

D