As you can probably guess, this is going to be a heavy post! If you read us regularly you’ll know that I encouraged Domina to express her dominance by taking advantage of her sexual liberation if she so desired. We basically made loving promises to each other. She swore to be open and honest with me about anyone she was going to see. No secrets. I swore I would remain faithful and that she would always retain power over my sexual outlets. It took a long time to get to that point and afterwards we made sweet love together. It took even longer than that for her to physically take advantage of her freedom. That was good. She waited for the right moment with a man she liked and was attracted to. Surprisingly, she felt very at ease telling me about what happened and that she didn’t think of me at all during her experience. I was excited or her and even more accepting and supportive than I expected. This brings us to the problem. Perhaps I was too supportive?
Domina will most likely see ‘e’ again, but she has had a little trouble with me. Most specifically, would I defend her honor if some guy came up and made advances to her in front of me or would I get a hard on? Certainly I would take the insult for what it was and defend my prize. The question at hand is what is it different? Even though I can attest with absolute certainty that it is, it isn’t the easiest answer to verbalize. I’ve had to think on it a while. Being cuckolded is the ultimate act of submission and is therefore appealing to me. Having Domina hit on is an insult to me and is an assault to my masculine side that no one is allowed to take away save for Domina.
Let’s draw a parallel for a moment. Orgasm denial. This is about the most cherished tenant of our D/s relationship. Again it was I that asked Domina if she would control me in this way. Originally I asked her to do this for me, even though I thought it would be benefit us both greatly. Now the orgasm control is mostly enforced, and rigidly so, by Domina because it suits her personal desires and preferences. Do I want to cum? Yes! After about 5 days in denial I physically want to cum. Depending on how intimate we are, within a week I’m desperate. So what is in it for me you may ask? Every time we make love, every time I masturbate, every time I have a private moment that I could cheat, I choose not to. This is much more deeply satisfying to me. I chose submission over relief and selfish pleasure. It’s the more difficult and rewarding road to take. And if you follow the line, by choosing submission I am also choosing Domina because she is the one I want to submit to. Does that make sense? Follow me here. When we had short term break up a while back, you don’t have to guess what I did within 24 hours. I got myself off. It wasn’t because I wanted to have fun either. I wasn’t happy at all. I did it because I didn’t want to feel submissive. Even though I didn’t intend to hurt her feelings, she understood that even though she told me I was free to beat off during the period all I wanted, I was cheating. The cheat wasn’t in the sexual act of masturbating to orgasm. The cheat was in that I violated a rule of submission that Domina would have preferred I respected even apart. You may have thought I was like a kid in a candy store, but I felt guilty. It felt wrong to be physically self reliant again. As Domina scolded me later, I could have refrained myself. It wasn’t the sex with myself I was running to, it was the frustration of needing to be submissive that I was running from.
So what does this have to do with cuckolding? It’s quite simple really. The parallel is that when I’m cuckolded I have a somewhat similar choice between jealousy and submission. I want to express my love submissively so therefore I choose not to act on the self absorbed emotion of jealousy. The day before she cuckolded me we had some of the best lovemaking we’ve ever had. We were celebrating each other. I wasn’t all revved up because she was about to be with another man. I was excited that we were so strong, and our D/s was so strong, that we could take that step and feel even closer to one another. I know, the humiliation of cuckolding sexually stimulates me. But the fantasies I have about being Domina’s cuckold are not about imaging the sex acts that she may or may not have with someone else. I fantasize about the embracing of the deepest election of submission I can take and revel in the liberation she is afforded at my expense.
There are times when Domina asks me if I want to cum when I’m deeply desperate. My body is screaming at me and I may pause. But I generally pull together the presence of mind to say I trust her to decide what is best for us. We both value my submission above my pleasure. We are happier when I’m in need of her touch. The same is true for cuckolding. A year or two ago I would never have thought this way. But I trust Domina to do what is best for us, including our need to satisfy her sexuality and sadistically. When Domina feels powerfully attractive and I feel hopelessly submissive to her, we are at our best. For all she gives to me, my kids, and all the other people she touches, I love her. Likewise, I long to be her cuck. She is very careful not to abuse her power because she does not want to violate my trust. I too want to prove my loving submission will always outweigh the jealousy of self.
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