Well, it's been a long last few weeks. pet and I have been very, very busy working on my house, getting it ready for the new tenant. As with most things, when you get into it, you find that there are there so many more things that you need to do than you originally thought. Sigh.
pet has been amazing. The kids have been really supportive and sweet, and very helpful. We are almost there, I turn over the keys on Thursday, and I am just praying that I get a few months where nothing goes wrong. The last tenant was such a nightmare, and left such a mess, that I just don't think I can take that again so soon. UGH.
Onto other things, work is good, alot of pressure right now to produce some budget numbers, but pet is helping me through that as well. God bless him. I love him so much.
I had hope of getting another job, and I have heard from my contact that they have not filled the position, but that is pretty much all I know. Maybe it is taking longer that they planned to fill the position, or maybe I am out of the running, but oh well. We will see how that works out.
Soooo........a few weeks ago, e told me that he thought I was a glass half-empty kind of person. I took that to mean that I am a negative person, and I suppose that my last few months of posts have sounded pretty negative. e reminded me that I am very, very, lucky, and he is right. God bless him. Sometimes it takes someone on the outside of your life looking in to make you realize certain things. So, here goes:
1. I am grateful for my love, my pet. He is such a positive person, and he always assures me that we can do things, he gives me his love, his time, his life. I love spending time with him, and I love making love with him. I love him so much, he is amazing, and I am a lucky woman.
2. I am grateful for pet's kids, and the opportunity to be a quasi-stepmother. They are wonderful girls, truly, and we really have very little trouble with them. Yes, we have challenges, and our moments where we are not each other's favorite person. But, they are good girls, and I am lucky to be in their lives', watch them grow-up, and have some small input into their upbringing.
3. I am grateful for my family. My mother and my sisters. I don't know where I would be or go without them. They are all good people, and I love spending time with them. We had a very nice family event on Friday night and I really enjoyed spending time with them : ) We are so lucky to have my mother after her illness, I need to be grateful for that every day.
4. I am very grateful that I have a job. The people are very nice, the work is not really difficult, there is alot of it, and stressful at times, but for the most part it is really good gig. And now I have an office, which I am really enjoying : ) It is a very nice office, and it is nice to have my own space to settle into.
5. I am hopeful for getting my finances under control in the next few months. Between the job and the rent, getting both on a regular basis, I am hoping that I can make some progress on my bills. Things are looking up for pet in that area as well, March is a 3-paycheck month, and he got his tax returns. Mine are still pending my last W-2 form. But hopefully I can file soon, and that will help even more.
6. I have wonderful friends. They have been very understanding about me being MIA the last few weeks while I deal with the tenant and house mess. They have been very emotionally and financially supportive. They are great, and I am so very lucky to have them. I am looking forward to spending a little time with them this coming weekend.
7. pet and I both have houses. Yes, they are small, and yes, they both need work, well, not so much mine now, as we have been working very hard on renovations these past few weeks. But we do have property, and hopefully a house to leave both of his girls when they get older, and some passive income for us.
8. pet and I both have jobs. So many people I know are out of work, and have been out of work for so long. We have jobs, and health benefits, and that is so very important right now.
I am sure that there are hundreds of other things I need to appreciate more, but for right now, that will have to do : ) Unfortunately, nothing really hot to report right now. pet and I working through some things in that area, and I hope to have some hot times to report soon. Like all things, it ebbs and flows.
Take care, and I hope that all have a GREAT week!
-D
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Wonderful Weekend
What a great, relaxing weekend, and most needed by pet and I.
What did we do? A big lot of nothing really, lol. We watched a lot of movies, had a lot of sex, and we ate a lot of food.
Eat, sleep, fuck, eat, sleep, fuck, eat, sleep, fuck.
Does is get any better than meeting your basic needs? I dont think so : )
I came so much, I lost count, and I came hard several times today, and hope to cum more later! pet has promised me some more of my cock later. I walked around naked alot this weekend. pet gets pretty cold, so he did not walk around naked quite as much, but that was ok, he looks amazing. He has lost some weight, again, and looks soooo good. I want to fuck, fuck, fuck him all the time!
pet has not seemed as interested in me as I am in him right now, but this morning was hot and he seemed very interested! He almost tried to sit on my face and make me take the cock in my mouth...which most would consider too forward for a sub, but I thought I enjoyed the aggression a bit, and it was nice to feel his desire for me.
We have had such a hard time of it lately that I think some of his desire has subsided for me. Sometimes I am very concerned about it, but he assures me that nothing is wrong, and my cock does still get hard for me, so that is good. I am still a little worried, but as long as he assures me all is well, I will take his word for it.
My office move puts me close to pet's office, we are only about 2 blocks apart during the day now. And I am getting a little concerned that we are spending a little too much time together. Not for me, I would spend all my time with him if I could : ) But, pet gets almost NO time to himself, ever, either the kids or I are always with him, so I get concerned that he does not get any time to himself, and he will not ask for any : (
On Friday, we went to lunch at one of the places we went when we were first dating. Which I thought, mistakenly, would be a great walk down memory lane for us. Instead, it just poked at memories of a happier, less-stressful time, unfortunately. When we first started to date, as with most couples, it was new, hot, fresh, sex and laughter all the time. Then, as time goes on, you get more involved in each other's lives, things get stressful, and pet and I have had a tough few months. The last year or so had been pretty rough, and we are just starting to come out of it I think. We have had so many challenges.
I remember in the beginning that pet used to smile at me all the time. He looked so happy then. He would put his arm around me, walk down the street, and smile at me as we walked and talked. I am not exactly sure what happened to all that, but I know that it is not the same. I think just too much has happened. I would love to get that back, see him happy again like that, but I am not sure how to do that.
Sometimes I think that moving in together was a mistake, he just does not seem happy. Not because I moved in, but just in general. When we first started to date, he seemed very happy to be with me when we were together and very happy to see me. I am a worrier by nature, and perhaps I am worrying needlessly. Oh well, I love him, and that is all I know.
We have had a wonderful weekend. Spending good time together, doing a few house projects, and just being together. I love that we were able to spend this time together, and I have missed spending this kind of time with him.
I hope that this is a sign of more of this type of weekend together to come. Hopefully things will be getting easier for us financially in the next few months; and that will make a huge difference for us I know.
Hope all had a great weekend-
-D
What did we do? A big lot of nothing really, lol. We watched a lot of movies, had a lot of sex, and we ate a lot of food.
Eat, sleep, fuck, eat, sleep, fuck, eat, sleep, fuck.
Does is get any better than meeting your basic needs? I dont think so : )
I came so much, I lost count, and I came hard several times today, and hope to cum more later! pet has promised me some more of my cock later. I walked around naked alot this weekend. pet gets pretty cold, so he did not walk around naked quite as much, but that was ok, he looks amazing. He has lost some weight, again, and looks soooo good. I want to fuck, fuck, fuck him all the time!
pet has not seemed as interested in me as I am in him right now, but this morning was hot and he seemed very interested! He almost tried to sit on my face and make me take the cock in my mouth...which most would consider too forward for a sub, but I thought I enjoyed the aggression a bit, and it was nice to feel his desire for me.
We have had such a hard time of it lately that I think some of his desire has subsided for me. Sometimes I am very concerned about it, but he assures me that nothing is wrong, and my cock does still get hard for me, so that is good. I am still a little worried, but as long as he assures me all is well, I will take his word for it.
My office move puts me close to pet's office, we are only about 2 blocks apart during the day now. And I am getting a little concerned that we are spending a little too much time together. Not for me, I would spend all my time with him if I could : ) But, pet gets almost NO time to himself, ever, either the kids or I are always with him, so I get concerned that he does not get any time to himself, and he will not ask for any : (
On Friday, we went to lunch at one of the places we went when we were first dating. Which I thought, mistakenly, would be a great walk down memory lane for us. Instead, it just poked at memories of a happier, less-stressful time, unfortunately. When we first started to date, as with most couples, it was new, hot, fresh, sex and laughter all the time. Then, as time goes on, you get more involved in each other's lives, things get stressful, and pet and I have had a tough few months. The last year or so had been pretty rough, and we are just starting to come out of it I think. We have had so many challenges.
I remember in the beginning that pet used to smile at me all the time. He looked so happy then. He would put his arm around me, walk down the street, and smile at me as we walked and talked. I am not exactly sure what happened to all that, but I know that it is not the same. I think just too much has happened. I would love to get that back, see him happy again like that, but I am not sure how to do that.
Sometimes I think that moving in together was a mistake, he just does not seem happy. Not because I moved in, but just in general. When we first started to date, he seemed very happy to be with me when we were together and very happy to see me. I am a worrier by nature, and perhaps I am worrying needlessly. Oh well, I love him, and that is all I know.
We have had a wonderful weekend. Spending good time together, doing a few house projects, and just being together. I love that we were able to spend this time together, and I have missed spending this kind of time with him.
I hope that this is a sign of more of this type of weekend together to come. Hopefully things will be getting easier for us financially in the next few months; and that will make a huge difference for us I know.
Hope all had a great weekend-
-D
Smokin' Hot Thursday
Hello again all-back for another round...
So, I had Thursday off because of the office move. Originally, pet and I were going to take the day off together, but then his parents wanted to go see some family out of town, and he thought he should go to. I decided not to go, as I have been feeling very behind on the housework of late, and this would give me a day to catch up. So decision made, pet would go off with his parents and I would stay home and clean house. BUT, we did decide that we spend a little fun time that morning before he had to leave.
It really started the night before. For some reason I was feeling very primal and just wanted to TAKE pet. There are moments when I truly wish that I had a cock to fuck him with, and this was one of those times.
As you all know, pet and I have been highly stressed for weeks/months. Last weekend's blow-up had passed, and I could feel myself feeling much more dominant. I wanted to take him, and I started heating things up by sending him text messages letting him know that I wanted to fuck him, wanted to watch him suck cock, and take cock up the ass, etc. pet responded very well and was quite horny all week, as was I! : )
So Wednesday night when we got home and all things were taken care of, and we went to bed, I just felt like violating him, so I did. I can't really explain most of it, I was in such a dominant zone, and I just wanted to take, take, take pet, more and more. I remember biting him on the ass and the back, feeling very primal, I was grunting and growling, yes, growling, I don't even know how I made that noise! But pet commented on it later as well....
I remember biting him and scraping him with my teeth, and putting one, two, then three fingers up his ass and fucking him with my fingers harder and harder. I had him get on all fours, greased his ass up with some lotion and went finger-fucking away. This went on for a bit, and I beat his cock as well, but his cock was not really getting very hard, so I thought he was not enjoying himself so I stopped...turns out that he was enjoying himself, I just read the signals wrong...sigh. Oh well, it happens...
It was during this epidode that I first considered fisting pet as a viable option for us. I had never really considered it before, and always thought that it was an odd thing to want to do, but I could finally see where it might be an enjoyable practice. There was some discussion at our dinner party a few weeks ago of fisting, and I remember thinking it was something that pet and I would never try....but...as with A LOT of things that pet and I practice now..there was a time when we would "never" have done those either : ) Just goes to prove you should never say never...lol.
So we went on to sleep, and the next morning, as he always does, pet had to take his oldest to school. That done, he came back and we snuggled up together....we snuggled and cuddled for a few minutes and then things started to heat up! pet and I made hot love, I had him lick my pussy, I sucked his cock, and I finger-fucked him up the ass again! I can't really recall the order of things or the details now, but I can tell you that things were VERY hot and I came VERY hard. I also let pet cum. The fun part of that was that after we had made some steamy love, and were all done sucking and fucking each other, pet lay on his back while I recovering from my orgasm, and I allowed pet to stroke my cock some. I decided to let pet cum in that moment. BUT, the fun in that was I told him that he could cum, but he had 10 seconds ONLY to do it in or he would not be allowed to cum at all! Well you can bet that pet got to beating on my cock fast and hard right then! I started to count down from 10 and watched the cum start to pulse up from his cock, going in and out of that little hole in the tip...and I knew that soon it would burst out all over! It only took pet until about 4 of my count-down to explode his cum everywhere and what a load of cum it was!!
I helped him wipe it up with a sheet and told him I would wash the sheets that day : )
pet showered and dressed for his outing with his parents, and I cleaned house all day, it was a great day, very productive, and one smokin' hot Thursday morning! : )
More to cum-
-D
So, I had Thursday off because of the office move. Originally, pet and I were going to take the day off together, but then his parents wanted to go see some family out of town, and he thought he should go to. I decided not to go, as I have been feeling very behind on the housework of late, and this would give me a day to catch up. So decision made, pet would go off with his parents and I would stay home and clean house. BUT, we did decide that we spend a little fun time that morning before he had to leave.
It really started the night before. For some reason I was feeling very primal and just wanted to TAKE pet. There are moments when I truly wish that I had a cock to fuck him with, and this was one of those times.
As you all know, pet and I have been highly stressed for weeks/months. Last weekend's blow-up had passed, and I could feel myself feeling much more dominant. I wanted to take him, and I started heating things up by sending him text messages letting him know that I wanted to fuck him, wanted to watch him suck cock, and take cock up the ass, etc. pet responded very well and was quite horny all week, as was I! : )
So Wednesday night when we got home and all things were taken care of, and we went to bed, I just felt like violating him, so I did. I can't really explain most of it, I was in such a dominant zone, and I just wanted to take, take, take pet, more and more. I remember biting him on the ass and the back, feeling very primal, I was grunting and growling, yes, growling, I don't even know how I made that noise! But pet commented on it later as well....
I remember biting him and scraping him with my teeth, and putting one, two, then three fingers up his ass and fucking him with my fingers harder and harder. I had him get on all fours, greased his ass up with some lotion and went finger-fucking away. This went on for a bit, and I beat his cock as well, but his cock was not really getting very hard, so I thought he was not enjoying himself so I stopped...turns out that he was enjoying himself, I just read the signals wrong...sigh. Oh well, it happens...
It was during this epidode that I first considered fisting pet as a viable option for us. I had never really considered it before, and always thought that it was an odd thing to want to do, but I could finally see where it might be an enjoyable practice. There was some discussion at our dinner party a few weeks ago of fisting, and I remember thinking it was something that pet and I would never try....but...as with A LOT of things that pet and I practice now..there was a time when we would "never" have done those either : ) Just goes to prove you should never say never...lol.
So we went on to sleep, and the next morning, as he always does, pet had to take his oldest to school. That done, he came back and we snuggled up together....we snuggled and cuddled for a few minutes and then things started to heat up! pet and I made hot love, I had him lick my pussy, I sucked his cock, and I finger-fucked him up the ass again! I can't really recall the order of things or the details now, but I can tell you that things were VERY hot and I came VERY hard. I also let pet cum. The fun part of that was that after we had made some steamy love, and were all done sucking and fucking each other, pet lay on his back while I recovering from my orgasm, and I allowed pet to stroke my cock some. I decided to let pet cum in that moment. BUT, the fun in that was I told him that he could cum, but he had 10 seconds ONLY to do it in or he would not be allowed to cum at all! Well you can bet that pet got to beating on my cock fast and hard right then! I started to count down from 10 and watched the cum start to pulse up from his cock, going in and out of that little hole in the tip...and I knew that soon it would burst out all over! It only took pet until about 4 of my count-down to explode his cum everywhere and what a load of cum it was!!
I helped him wipe it up with a sheet and told him I would wash the sheets that day : )
pet showered and dressed for his outing with his parents, and I cleaned house all day, it was a great day, very productive, and one smokin' hot Thursday morning! : )
More to cum-
-D
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Does D/s Make it Harder to Break-Up?
Channeling Carrie Bradshaw this morning (a la Sex in the City) I was laying in bed this morning thinking how much better/different the beginning of this weekend is than last weekend, and how things can turn around so quickly, in just a few days' time. This morning I feel great! My new office at work is beautiful with a fantastic view..I had a day off this week because of the move, so I got all my housework done on Thursday, so I did not have to get up and start laundry/dishes. I got up this morning and was happy to make breakfast for pet and the kids : ) Sometimes I feel like it is a chore, something I am supposed to do, but this morning it was a real pleasure to cook for my family : ) Everyone woke up hungry and seemed to enjoy the breakfast as well : ) pet and I made love this morning and it was wonderful, and I came hard. I am looking forward to more of that later, as the kids are off to their Mom's soon. I bought myself a new non-stick pan last weekend, and I used it this mornig, it was GREAT! I know, lol, sometimes it is the simplest things that make us happy, right? I feel very lucky and blessed today. My relationship with pet's oldest is back on track, we had a very good talk on Thursday, that did result in some punishment for her, but she took it well, and she knows that her father and I do things out of love for her, not malice.
Last weekend, when things were so bad with anthony and I, and it all came to a head, and I thought we had broken up (anthony says he never thought we were broken up) I find myself going over all that was going through my mind last weekend. It has finally been enough time for me to step back and take a look at how I was feeling when I thought were broken up. Of course, I am ever the practical person, going through my mind was all of the immediate needs. Where I would live, what I would do with my dogs, getting parking at work (because I ride in with anthony right now) etc, etc.
Although I never got this far in my head last weekend, it occurred to me that we are so deeply involved in each other's lives, that I would not even really know how to begin to start over with someone new. I mean, I am sure that I could manage if it became necessary, eventually....
And I wondered? "Does D/s make it harder to break-up?"
I do believe that when you are involved in a D/s relationship, that there is a level of trust and intimacy there that you do not experience in other relationships. At least for me anyway. I am not sure how others feel. But to me, you are soooo deeply involved in each other's minds and psyche that you must have a tighter bond than others. And of course, anthony is the first/only real D/s relationship that I have even been involved in, so I have no idea what it would be like to try and be with someone else in this way. I am not talking about inviting extra folks into our world for play...I am talking about an entire other relationship. I just can't see being this deeply involved, on this intimate level with anyone else. I think D/s adds a dynamic to the relationship that is ultimately harder to "get over." I don't think it would be like a regular break up, where you just don't see each other anymore, I think it would be much more painful, as you involved with each other on such a more intimate level, and higher plane I think. Well, that's just my opinion anyway.
So, those were my thoughts on that topic this morning. There is better stuff to cum in my next post.
Happy Saturday to all!!
-D
Last weekend, when things were so bad with anthony and I, and it all came to a head, and I thought we had broken up (anthony says he never thought we were broken up) I find myself going over all that was going through my mind last weekend. It has finally been enough time for me to step back and take a look at how I was feeling when I thought were broken up. Of course, I am ever the practical person, going through my mind was all of the immediate needs. Where I would live, what I would do with my dogs, getting parking at work (because I ride in with anthony right now) etc, etc.
Although I never got this far in my head last weekend, it occurred to me that we are so deeply involved in each other's lives, that I would not even really know how to begin to start over with someone new. I mean, I am sure that I could manage if it became necessary, eventually....
And I wondered? "Does D/s make it harder to break-up?"
I do believe that when you are involved in a D/s relationship, that there is a level of trust and intimacy there that you do not experience in other relationships. At least for me anyway. I am not sure how others feel. But to me, you are soooo deeply involved in each other's minds and psyche that you must have a tighter bond than others. And of course, anthony is the first/only real D/s relationship that I have even been involved in, so I have no idea what it would be like to try and be with someone else in this way. I am not talking about inviting extra folks into our world for play...I am talking about an entire other relationship. I just can't see being this deeply involved, on this intimate level with anyone else. I think D/s adds a dynamic to the relationship that is ultimately harder to "get over." I don't think it would be like a regular break up, where you just don't see each other anymore, I think it would be much more painful, as you involved with each other on such a more intimate level, and higher plane I think. Well, that's just my opinion anyway.
So, those were my thoughts on that topic this morning. There is better stuff to cum in my next post.
Happy Saturday to all!!
-D
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Meltdown
Well, it all came to a head this weekend....
Too much stress, too broke, for too long, too much transition in a short amount of time...it has all taken a toll and anthony and I and we had quite the blow up on Saturday night. I won't post the details here, but let's just say that anthony and I are not typically people to lose control like this, and we both did. Honestly, his reaction was legitimate to my behavior, so the fault is totally mine. It was rough, but we seem to have bested it, and are moving on.
I really am not surprised. For months, I have been feeling on the edge. I have been really trying to temper it, and walk away when needed, to alleviate the stress level, and do what I can to take a deep breath. I have been desperately trying to show my emotions in front of the kids, and I think I do pretty well. Trying to give them a stable home life, because God knows they deserve that, but sometimes, something just has to give.
It didn't work, finally came to a head. Sigh. I feel rotten, but am slowly moving past it. anthony has been amazing, he has totally moved on, it is not even phasing him now, and this evening we spent some nice time together. Sometimes you say and do things that you can't take back...but you can choose to forgive and move on.
For months, both of us have been an enormous amount of pressure. Jobs, me not having a job, being broke, anthony filing for divorce, difficulties with his oldest girl, trying to get/keep our D/s on track, dealing with my tenant and all that drama, anthony's parents, his brother, my brother-in-law's illess, it seems that it is just one thing after another, and there is never a break, and never a stop to any of it. We are on, and have been on, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, for so long, and not in a good way. We never get a break....
I am trying desperately to be all things to everyone, and failing at all of it. anthony is trying to support the free world financially and emotionally, it is all just too, too much. I really can't belive all that we handle in a week. Geez.
anthony said it best last night, all we do is handle things for other people, it seems like it is something every day, and it's all we ever talk about it.
It's really no wonder this hasn't happened sooner, although, don't get me wrong, I wish last night had never happened at all. I am still pretty upset, but trying to move on. anthony is being amazing. I love him so very much.
He is off now spending some time with his Dad, watching the SuperBowl, and I am at home alone for the first time in a long time. Truly alone. It is nice, very quiet, and I decided to write a short post with my time, oh and finish up some laundry : )
I know that better days lie ahead for both us, March will better financially, I have a new, great, tenant moving into my house, and it will be a 3-paycheck month, tax returns will be coming in for both of us, and we can get caught up on some things financially. Which, I know, will help alleviate some of the stress.
I have hopes on getting a better paying job, second interview went well, and in my follow-up email to my contact last week, he said that they should be moving forward shortly...sounds like I am at least still in the running, so that's good. The extra money would definitely make a huge difference for us. The job would be more stressful yes...but probably worth it.
I thought I would feel more confident, stronger when I went back to work, but I don't really, I am sorry to say. The people are great, but I am underemployed, and I can feel it. I am SO grateful to have a job, and again, the people are really awesome, but I feel underutilized. But it has only been three months....sigh.
And I don't feel dominant at all..not at all. If anything I feel submissive. anthony is still paying all the household expenses....I am paying my bills, mortgage, car payment, car insurance, etc, and I put groceries on the table, and I put clothes/underwear on the kids, I try and take care of most of the household stuff, so I can at least alleviate that burden for him. But still, I know he needs help with the expenses, and it's just not feasible right now, so I feel bad about that too.
Like I said, things should get better for us in March. I want so very much to help him more financially, I feel like nothing but a burden sometimes, and it is very hard to feel dominant when you feel like a burden to someone, for sure. Sigh.
We have been having trouble with his oldest, and that is frustrating the hell out of me. I know it is frurstrating him too, but he handles it so much better than I do. I wish I could be more like him.
So that's it for now, not our best weekend, and during the next few weekends we have to get ready for my new tenant. But anthony seems to think we can work and play in the same weekend. I hope so, I want to believe that, I am just so very tired, and I love him so much.
Take care all, and have a great week-
-D
Too much stress, too broke, for too long, too much transition in a short amount of time...it has all taken a toll and anthony and I and we had quite the blow up on Saturday night. I won't post the details here, but let's just say that anthony and I are not typically people to lose control like this, and we both did. Honestly, his reaction was legitimate to my behavior, so the fault is totally mine. It was rough, but we seem to have bested it, and are moving on.
I really am not surprised. For months, I have been feeling on the edge. I have been really trying to temper it, and walk away when needed, to alleviate the stress level, and do what I can to take a deep breath. I have been desperately trying to show my emotions in front of the kids, and I think I do pretty well. Trying to give them a stable home life, because God knows they deserve that, but sometimes, something just has to give.
It didn't work, finally came to a head. Sigh. I feel rotten, but am slowly moving past it. anthony has been amazing, he has totally moved on, it is not even phasing him now, and this evening we spent some nice time together. Sometimes you say and do things that you can't take back...but you can choose to forgive and move on.
For months, both of us have been an enormous amount of pressure. Jobs, me not having a job, being broke, anthony filing for divorce, difficulties with his oldest girl, trying to get/keep our D/s on track, dealing with my tenant and all that drama, anthony's parents, his brother, my brother-in-law's illess, it seems that it is just one thing after another, and there is never a break, and never a stop to any of it. We are on, and have been on, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, for so long, and not in a good way. We never get a break....
I am trying desperately to be all things to everyone, and failing at all of it. anthony is trying to support the free world financially and emotionally, it is all just too, too much. I really can't belive all that we handle in a week. Geez.
anthony said it best last night, all we do is handle things for other people, it seems like it is something every day, and it's all we ever talk about it.
It's really no wonder this hasn't happened sooner, although, don't get me wrong, I wish last night had never happened at all. I am still pretty upset, but trying to move on. anthony is being amazing. I love him so very much.
He is off now spending some time with his Dad, watching the SuperBowl, and I am at home alone for the first time in a long time. Truly alone. It is nice, very quiet, and I decided to write a short post with my time, oh and finish up some laundry : )
I know that better days lie ahead for both us, March will better financially, I have a new, great, tenant moving into my house, and it will be a 3-paycheck month, tax returns will be coming in for both of us, and we can get caught up on some things financially. Which, I know, will help alleviate some of the stress.
I have hopes on getting a better paying job, second interview went well, and in my follow-up email to my contact last week, he said that they should be moving forward shortly...sounds like I am at least still in the running, so that's good. The extra money would definitely make a huge difference for us. The job would be more stressful yes...but probably worth it.
I thought I would feel more confident, stronger when I went back to work, but I don't really, I am sorry to say. The people are great, but I am underemployed, and I can feel it. I am SO grateful to have a job, and again, the people are really awesome, but I feel underutilized. But it has only been three months....sigh.
And I don't feel dominant at all..not at all. If anything I feel submissive. anthony is still paying all the household expenses....I am paying my bills, mortgage, car payment, car insurance, etc, and I put groceries on the table, and I put clothes/underwear on the kids, I try and take care of most of the household stuff, so I can at least alleviate that burden for him. But still, I know he needs help with the expenses, and it's just not feasible right now, so I feel bad about that too.
Like I said, things should get better for us in March. I want so very much to help him more financially, I feel like nothing but a burden sometimes, and it is very hard to feel dominant when you feel like a burden to someone, for sure. Sigh.
We have been having trouble with his oldest, and that is frustrating the hell out of me. I know it is frurstrating him too, but he handles it so much better than I do. I wish I could be more like him.
So that's it for now, not our best weekend, and during the next few weekends we have to get ready for my new tenant. But anthony seems to think we can work and play in the same weekend. I hope so, I want to believe that, I am just so very tired, and I love him so much.
Take care all, and have a great week-
-D
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